Can't believe it

As you know I've had a bit of problems with my right leg and lately it's been mostly around the shin area. Dion's been giving me massages but the pain hasn't really gone away. Went for a run on Thursday and it really hurt straight away in my right leg around the shin area, so much that I could hardly run on it. I really wanted to go for a run that day and took some of the pressure off by holding on to the handles while running at a really slow pace, but as soon as I let go the pain was there again. I stopped and stretched twice and was thinking that perhaps if the muscle just got a bit warmer it'd be ok. It got a little bit better but it still hurt but I pushed through (stupid I know). After 50min I gave up though. It was hurting too much and it felt really weak.

Yesterday I was talking to Dion, or actually complaining that my leg was so soar that I didn't think I'd be able to run on it all this weekend. Having a sports massage qualification he's been doing some tests on my leg and has pointed out that it doesn't seem like the muscles themselves are the problem but rather the bone. Since my calves muscles have been so soar I haven't even considered that it could be something with the bone, but after Dion suggested that I consult my running book it became obvious to me what it potentially could be. Found a diagnosis of something called a stress fracture, which I didn't even know existed. After having red about it in my book and googled it I started crying and I couldn't stop. I knew that the pain was rather serious and but I'd never crossed my mind that it could be so serious that it'd mean that I'd have to miss the marathon. Now that reality dawned on me.

After having calmed down a bit and stopped crying I started ringing different physios and got through to one in Kentish town called Sprint Physiotherapy. Spoke to one of the physios and after having asked me a bunch of questions he said that it didn't sound like it was a stress fracture but that he'd be able to see me tomorrow (i.e. today) to give me a proper assessment. Went down there today and quiet soon he said that it did actually look like I do have a stress fracture. My pain is in a very specific place and it's on the bone rather than on the soft tissues around the bone. He tried putting me on the treadmill before giving me a bit of massage and straight away the pain was there. I tried running again after a bit of massage and it felt a little bit better but the pain came on again pretty quickly and he told me to stop and that it wasn't a good sign. Walking back to his office I started crying. I can't believe that with 5 weeks to go it looks like I'm not going to be able to run.

Back in his office we did a few more tests, the same kind of bending and tensing tests that Dion has given me, and the pain wasn't worse but the same, which apparently was not the outcome we were looking for (had the pain been worse it would have indicated that it was the muscles and not the bone). So... right now it looks like I've got a small stress fracture or the beginning of one which means that I'll not be running the marathon but need to rest for up to 8 weeks. I'm going to get a bone scan to get it properly diagnosed and if I'm really lucky it turns out to be soft tissue related and then there are a number of things I can do to get me to the start and the finish line. But, it doesn't look likely and I'm really scared of getting my hopes up. I've really been looking forward to the day and my training has gone really well. I can't explain how gutted and absolutely empty I feel. Just can't believe it. Don't know how I'm going to cope with April 13th if I'm not going to be able to run (oh here we go again... crying, crying, crying). I'm so upset...